No Man’s Land – pt 137 pt 08
– “bastogne”
– Chapter 23
– jack
– Top – 13/13/1 (37)
– – –
^ ^ I know you like drama.
^ ^ Here’s a true but dramatic rendition of the day I spent with Jackie.
^ As soon as the others had left, Tod was yanked out of our hands and he was taken to the nursery with a full feeding bottle.
^ The invisible force was not Nadia or my Higg¡ns; I assumed it was Tod’s tangier.
^ Jackie’s father had a close relationship with the tangiers; they often arranged to do things together. The day-trip for the group was definitely one of Jack’s plans.
^ I was alone with my Jackie.
^ We held each other.
^ We went to bed and had sex.
^
^ ^ A week before her sixteenth birthday, my baby had been hauled back from some far off place, maybe it was Cansass.
^ At night she was under house arrest but by day she was allowed to go to school and do her chores and duties with a Vigi-Temp chaperone chained to her.
^ Sometimes on her left side, sometimes on her right side. Sometimes between two.
^ Only in-doors was she free.
^ We talked as we had never done before; even though it was painful for her, for she felt she had brought such great shame to me. I could tell her I was proud that she and Sylvia had caught that man but I could not tell her I did not care if he was alive or dead. I would have killed him.
^ I could never understand that thing about Jackie, Sylvia and Jack where they could put aside their personal feelings about the worst of humanity and treated them, too, as needing care.
^ I had admitted my flaws and had chosen my path: I would protect our home, our community and no other place.
^ At least that had been my plan.
^ The day of Jackie’s birthday arrived and I went to her to ask her who would be her pleasure. She had come of age and could request a night with any woman of our community who was of age.
^ There was a system of objection and over-sight with the Sisters submitting themselves as available as alternatives and voting on the order of those put on the list of alternatives. The register of available alternative mistresses for Jackie was over-subscribed many times over.
^ There were so many: Candida, Bea, Messalina, Missy, Madame Bovary.
^ Sylvia was on the register but we knew she would abstain. We would deal with the situation as it arose if Jackie chose her.
^ I sat with Jackie in our kitchen, and she took my hand. Her eyes were lowered respectfully and demurely.
– “You,” she said.
^ I confess that I felt faint; I felt myself flush cold as if every pore of my body had been turned into a lawn-sprinkler, I thought I was soaking wet.
^ I was wearing the workwear that I wore when and where I ever would whenever the will would take me; even as a baby Jackie had always liked it. I had spent the day getting her ready for this special date.
^ She did not know that she was going to be inducted as a mistress.
^ Her first act (as honoured son and new mistress, as Honour and protector of our community) was to choose me as a date.
^ It was unusual.
^ “We can’t go anywhere,” I said.
– “We have the house and the porch,” she said. “Do we need anything else?”
^ And, then she gave me that look.
^ The look that drowns you in selfless affection, appreciation, adoration and adulation.
^ She was saying something more than just wanting a date.
^ My eyes flickered.
^ I tried to say no.
^ I stood-up and moved away from her.
^ “Does your father ..?”
– “You know, sometimes, him and I do not need to talk about things. We just know.”
^ I felt exposed.
^ She was quiet and patient.
^ “Baby … Jackie, there are so many …”
– “Consenting adults. This is the only time I can ask this of you. Everyone is on the register. Including Candida and you. I don’t want to wait for another five years. This world is strange and it’s only getting stranger. Tomorrow we could be dead.”
^ Had she noticed them, too.
^ The presence?
^ She did not say mom or ma’am or mistress. Her tone was controlled.
^ “Can … Can I … Can I get changed?”
^ She relaxed and smiled.
– “Your house, your rules,” she giggled.
^ I laughed.
^ “Will you tidy-up while I have a shower?”
– “Yes’m … Yes, Jenny,” she said.
^ I phoned Candida to let her know. She already knew.
^
^ As I showered a great sense of dread consumed me and I felt a strong desire to do something. But, I knew it was not my mind, it was whatever was haunting us.
^ That emotional poltergeist.
^ If it could not talk to me in a way that I could understand, then I would just have to ignore it. I told it to go away.
^ (Poor Higg¡ns. He tried his best.)
^ I joined Jackie in the guest room.
^ She had dressed like an outsider boy; an office junior’s suit. She looked like a girl in male-drag. She really was.
^ I had put on an evening dress that I knew she liked me to wear when I had an important outsider event to attend.
^ We sat on the bed and kissed.
^ At first we were cautious but then desire rose ferociously and consumed not all caution but all ability to resist caution.
^ Her kiss was amazing, I felt my stomach lurch and my inside was in disarray.
^ I had to get her out of those clothes.
^ She calmed me.
^ We undressed her and then she triggered the volta that “unzipped” my dress; reverently, she put it on a hanger.
^ We were in slips.
^ I put her left hand underneath my slip to my right breast. She teased the nipple expertly. Had Sylvia taught her how?
^ I watched her face; she was taking pleasure in pleasing me.
^ Now, I believed her and accepted the feelings I had for her.
^ For some reason, I had forgotten that she still had an outie; I was strangely shocked, impressed and flattered by her reaction to me. I was dripping for her.
^ “Now,” I told her.
^ I lay back and our bodies joined together.
^
^ Later, sunlight was fading from the sky.
^ I was resting on my left arm and looking at my Jackie; she had tears from her eyes but would not let me wipe them away.
– “It feels good. The feeling.”
^ The dread feeling came back to me; but this time it was coming from inside me.
^ “Baby, would you run-away with me?”
– “Yes, Jenny.”
^ “Baby, would you run-away with me, now?”
– “Yes, Jenny.”
^ I felt she would agree to anything that I asked her. I did not understand what I was asking. I could not explain it in words.
^ Fuck them all.
^ What about us? What about our needs?
^ Jackie and Sylvia were heroes.
^ They were not like heroes.
^ They were heroes.
^ There was nothing special about the way that we made love. There were no special positions. Pieces of equipment. No music to enhance the mood. No candles or scents. We just made love.
^ We didn’t even exhaust ourselves.
^ We were deliberate in our passion.
^ And, then, we had slept. ^ ^
^
^ We could hear Tod laughing down the hallway in the nursery and so we had kept our love-making as quiet as possible.
^ It was still the best sex I’d ever known.
^ I could not speak for Jackie.
^ We did some naughty stuff this time and showed each other things we had learnt from other people. I was not surprised to learn that Rosa was the greatest influence on Jackie for sexual techniques.
^ But, Jackie was Jack’s child.
^ I knew the Control that they had and I was equal to all their ways of patience, rhythm and teasing. I used my Control to make her lose her Control.
^ She said, ‘What!’ And, then her body unloosed her orgasm and ejaculation.
^ We wet the bed with our natural lubrications. We giggled happily.
^ She met my eyes with wonder.
– “Can you teach Rosa how to do that?”
^ “I thought she was really fussy about who she slept with?”
– “Uh! I don’t think you are not acceptable to her! She’s all business, normally. Mrs Gonzalez. But, she’s Rosa for you.”
^ The others did call Rosa by her formal title quite often; even Dora did sometimes.
^ Which raised a question?
^ “Can I meet Anndora?”
^ Jackie’s eyes flickered.
^ “I’m not going to get to meet Cassis, so I might as well meet Anndy.”
– The only ones who knew about Cassis were the twin-twinz, Sylvia and Jeri … and Nadia.
^ Jackie’s eyes met mine.
^ “I call mine ‘Higg¡ns’. I know you call yours ‘Nadia’. They talk to Jack a lot, too.”
^ I stressed the word ‘They’.
^ Jackie was surprised then relieved.
– “Sometimes they’re sooo frustrating.”
^ “You’re not mad at the one who messed you and the twins around?”
– “Yeah. But, shit happens. What are you gonna do? I’d like to know why though.”
^ (Nadia and Higg¡ns had been silent on the reason for that eventwatamendi.)
– “And, then they do stuff …”
^ “Can I meet Anndora?” I repeated.
^ She was quiet.
– “Yes.”
– “You’ve talked to Rosa and Dora?”
^ “Yes. They say she misses you.”
– “It’s so hard with her. She’s impossibly intelligent. And, she just accepts … what a shitty little life she has. She talked me into sleeping with her by getting everyone to compile the evidence for why I had to sleep with her. Our doctors. Nula. Jeri.”
^ How horribly appropriately ironic.
^ “Now you know how I felt.”
^ Jackie grimaced then nodded.
^ I lit the spliff that José had provided for us. We sucked it hard. It wasn’t our thing. We weren’t built for drug-taking.
^ (Jackie switched the air-con to extractor.)
^ I opened the Perronni’s.
^ The taste was fantastic.
^ We laughed and felt a bit sick.
^ I punched her in the shoulder.
^ “You stupid bitch! I wanted you to run away with me.”
^ She stared at me.
^ “I had the most awful feeling that I could not explain. I just knew that we had to leave. I asked you. I just had a feeling.”
– “I would have done anything you said. I still would do anything you say.”
^ “But, I wanted you to want to run-away with me. I wanted us to be equal.”
– “Well, it wouldn’t have mattered. Sooner or later we would have been caught and I would have been tattoo-branded.”
^ “How could any of my children be as stupid as this? Your brothers and sisters aren’t as bright as you and neither are they as dumb as you. Now, that’s a correlation!”
– “What?” she said alarmed.
^ “We … yer ma and da, your family, the community … we would have hidden you. We sent you away so that we could find you and then hide you.”
– And, with that I realised I really was quite dumb.
– –
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